The little plastic castle . . . Of TERROR !

                                        " They say goldfish, have no memory. I guess their lives 

                                         Are much like mine. And the little ,plastic castle , is a 

                                         Surprise every time . And it's hard to say if their happy.

                                          But they don't seem much to mind." - Ani DiFranco

Last month, when we first moved to Mayberry , munchkin started just throwing a fit to get a pet ( apparently two dogs and two cats just isn't enough for the poor girl ). At first , she wanted a guinea pig, but we talked her out of that . Then she wanted a rat, again we talked her out of it. Then it was a hamster , and eventually a gerbil. When we made it clear that we were not going for the gerbil , she said she would be willing to accept a mouse , I said no deal. You see we already went through several gerbils and rats with her a few years ago, most of them became cat or dog fodder , some of their demises remain an unsolved mystery ( cue creepy 80's music now) . I distinctly remember her introducing  her 4th or 5th rodent to a family member as , " this is Cinderella. She's not dead . YET" ( I told you , little Wednesday can be creepy sometimes) none the less , we were not about to trust here with anything warm and furry, nor were we going to make a special trip into the city to purchase a rodent knowing said purchase would put them immediately on the " endangered species list ".  What we were willing to do was head on down to the Mayberry Voldemart and get some goldfish.

By the time we left Voldemart we had a 10 gallon tank, glow in the dark rocks and plants , 4 koi , and a pink and yellow little plastic castle.  After getting everything together and installed ( which was an undeserved pain in the ass, if I do say so myself ) we went over feeding etc , and agreed that we would feed them at lunch and bedtime. 

It was less than 72 hours before I found the tank full of what could only be described as " pond scum "  with 2 dead fish floating on the top of it . I checked the food supply . Sure enough, over half gone. 

When confronted Wednesday says " no mommy, I didn't feed them without you ." 

" really ? So the fish pellets just unscrewed their own lid Nd jumped in there by themselves did they ? " 

" Must have " ( here's where she gave me the puppy eyes from hell ) 

It took me and Buffy three hours to get that damn tank back to normal , and save the remaining two fish. If she had been there at the time, the urge to smear her with stinky fish water Nd pelt her with glow in th e dark gravel would have been hard to control. 

Eventually however, we did get it clean and back to normal , and enjoyed watching two very happy and relieved fish , back in their home.  Wednesday and I had a little heart to heart after that , that can best be summarized as " if you kill all these fish, they are the last poor critters that will EVER live in your room ! I mean it ! " 

This morning , I discovered the tank full of dingy -ass nasty water again, with surprise surprise , a dead fish floating on top. I am pissed. But magically ( and unfortunately ) their is still one lone 'tough as nails' fish swimming around that cess pool she calls a fish tank , and since she apparently couldn't manage another double homicide, mommy and Buffy will have to clean the damn tank again. Yea. 

I hate to admit it , but I'm almost hoping Arnold Schwartza-fish commits suicide PDQ so I don't have to mess with the tank . ( I know , I'm going to hell, start throwing your tomatoes and stones now dears ! ) 

At any rate. When Arnie croaks , I am friggin done man ! No more fish for Wednesday! No more ! 

Maybe she can handle a lizard or a hermit crab ? 

Only if its made out of play dough.