A retrospective look at life before children , and all the ramifications thereof . . .

Years ago, before I became a parent , I was FULL of sage-like wisdom and advice for everyone, ESPECIALLY , people with children.  When my nephew Duddits came along , and I started helping B.S raise him , I started getting way too big for my britches. Suddenly I felt qualified to dispense opinions and suggestions without having been asked to everyone I met pushing a stroller, especially B.S. in short, I became a sanctimonious know-it-all BITCH. When I was carrying Wednesday , I spent most of my time making lists in my head of all the things I had seen other Mothers do that of course I was NOT EVER  going to do with MY child ! I was going to be better than that ! I was going to be the best and most perfect Mother ever ! And naturally , I was not going to repeat any of the "mistakes" my mother made either . ( God I was a judgemental cow ! ) so throughout my pregnancy I was very much " holier than thou " about everything . My nose was so high in the air I'd have drown in an April shower !
Then, after 56 hours of labor and an emergency C-section ( the midwife attended home water birth without mess I had planned was ruined by pre-eclampsia) that everything possible went wrong with , there was little Wednesday . Due to an adverse reaction to the epidural she was almost 5 hours old before I even got to hold her, so, while I was going through three bags of blood transfusions , I had lots of time to think. Coming out of my birth experience having done it almost entirely alone, and not at all the way I planned was a real eye opener . Sometimes , a LOT of the time , your best intentions Nd best laid plans just don't work out.
As I lay there staring at her in her little plastic bassinet , still unable to hold her , it hit me. This is really it. This is real parenting, there is no going back now. It's no longer " just play with the kid for the weekend and then send him back to mom, it is a real 24/7 commitment for the rest of your life. You are officially 100% responsible for another human life. You will supply every need , kiss every boo-boo , cook every meal, change every diaper, and somehow pay for all of it for the rest of your life. Despite all my previous theories , I was beginning to realize there was a big difference between being and Auntie, and being Mom. When I was able to hold her at last , I lost it. The tears just came like a flood. And I put my hand on her head and said the "Sheheyanu", ( i used the original Hebrew, but here's the English translation) " blessed are you , O lord our God, King of the universe . Who has sustained us in life, and enabled us to reach this season." My heart was full of gratitude , thanksgiving, love, and fear.
Up to that moment , I had sworn a number of things to myself , but here's a short 'sampling ' ;
" I would never drop my child off wearing my PJ's , that's just tacky ! "
" how could she feed them that ? It's no un-nutritious ! "
" there is no way my child would ever leave the house like that ! "
" lord her house is a wreck ! She's a stay at home mom, that thing should be spotless ! "
"Well obviously THAT woman doesn't discipline that child at all ! He's a monster ! "
" Clairice is always asking me to watch her kids , doesn't she spend any time with them ? "
" look at that mom over there playing on her phone . She's not watching her kids at all ! "
" if that were my kid I'd put him over my knee and beat some manners into him ! "

Now let me tell you this, five years into this journey called parenting , a whole lot of shit has changed. For one , I have left the rafters and returned to earth with a thud ! And for two, I have learned to view the parenting styles and choices of others in a far more understanding way, ( real experience does that ) . I have also not only dropped her off in my PJ's , I have gone robe, slippers and all into her classroom to sign papers etc , on more than one occasion ! Rather than the June Cleaver breakfasts I had pictured there have been more days than I care to try and count when she has had pop tarts , a cereal bar , or a package of snack crackers for breakfast .  She has gone all over Gods green acre in mis-matched clothes and a bright red kool-aide mustache . My house is far from spotless, and I am indeed a stay at home mom. Despite loads of discipline at home, I refrain from publicly disciplining her for two reasons, 1 fear of some know it all cow calling DHS, and two, I prefer to dole out the discipline when I m NOT pissed off. It's safer for both of us this way.  A cooling period is very beneficial. And now I totally see whY Clairice wanted a sitter all the time, wanting ain't getting, and sometimes it takes months of trying to actually find ONE for ONE night so you and your partner can take a chill for a few hours. As for the phone , I LITERALLY. Run our whole darned household with mine, it's ' work' about half the time, and fun the other half. You know what though ? Wednesday is a very happy ( if slightly creepy ) kid , and I am a very happy ( if more than slightly off kilter mom) and we have a great relationship and both love each other very much .  If I have learned nothing else the last five years , it's to worry a LOT less Bout what everyone else is doing with their kid, and a lot more about what I do with mine. I no longer feel the need to feel superior to someone . I am ok being the kind of mom I am, and I have learned to appreciate the different parenting styles of others.  The old saying is very true , there is no one way to be a perfect mother , but a thousand ways to be a good one. I am not a percent mother by any stretch of the imagination, but I am a good one. And I now realize that that mother on the cell phone probably is too , indeed we all are in our own way , the best we know how to be .  My new parenting strategy, just do your best and it will all work itself out . So far , it's working :-)