Beware the Doo-Doo Turd people .

Many of you are  aware that I have become something of a Del Shores addict over the years , largely because he writes about subject matter that runs frighteningly close to my childhood experience, and like me , chooses to deal with it through humor most of the time. Having grown up in a small town permeated with teetollers and religous zealots of all shapes , as well as a cast of colorful eccentrics , I find him highly relatable . If you are not familiar with his body of work, I strongly suggest you check it out .



In his series , Sordid Lives ( not to be confused with the play , or the movie ) Bitsy Mae Harling ( a singer, jailbird and ner-do-well, played by Olivia Newton-John) shows up at the first baptist church during sunday services in order to clear her good name with the jury who wrongfully convicted her of burning down her boyfriends trailer , and ends up shedding some light on the various misbehavings and 'sins' of this holier than thou congregation. The congregation decides to retaliate against her ( and the whole group from Bubba's that came with her ) by picketing outside Bubba's (the local watering hole ) and trying to get the bar closed down . Most of the Patrons try to take it all in stride as best they can , except for the loveable local drunk ( who practically LIVES at Bubba's ) Ms. Juanita Bartlett. Eventually , after a few days of this crap , our dear Juanita has had enough . At this point , she walks up to the preacher , looks him in the eye , and in her endearingly slurred English , pronounces , " Y'all are just a bunch of Doo-Doo Turd people. And I have half a mind to go become a Methodist, or an Episcopalian , or a CATHOLIC ! " ( at the pronounciation of " Catholic" , preacher 'Joe' almost passes out , and then Bitsy Mae gives him a real piece of HEr mind as well.
The first time I saw this , I laughed my head off at that phrase , " Doo-Doo turd people". Poor Juanita, I guess that was the best she could do . I snickered for weeks over this phrase, mostly because I have met SO many , and simple as it was , the phrase just felt really accurate . Alas , Texas  does not have the market cornered on 'Doo-Doo turd people' , or else a crap ton of them have migrated north to Oklahoma .  Recently , the Doo-Doo turd people struck again , this time in the capital of our fair (and unfortunately very RED state ), and of all the things they could "Doo-Doo" on , the theatre. Art. Self-expression. Freedom of speech. Separation of church and state. I could go on , and on and on.
The play in question , " The most fabulous story every told " , is under fire thanks to a boil-on-the-butt-of-humanity who happens to sit behind the pulpit of one of the local metro area churches , and while he has apparently got no problem at all holding a political office at the same time , despite the illegality , he does have a problem with even the most vaguely biblical play that depicts homosexuals doing anything but being burnt at the stake ,boiled in oil, stoned etc. Therefore a play with a slight biblical context and no thunderous smiting from on high, coupled with God forbid HUMOR , has got to be the work of the devil, or at least i'm sure that's what the snake he handles behind the pulpit probably told him . ( Did I mention how THRILLED I am to have right-wing loonies like this in nearly every political office in my state , being voted there by other right -wing loonies ? but I digress)
Having heard the phrase , " it's Adam and EVE, not Adam and STEVE " screamed at me enough times by haters at various pride parades over the years , I am not surprised that someone decided to explore the possibility of what if IT HAD BEEN  Adam and Steve ? What would THAT have been like ? And then the natural Progression was to add a lovely lesbian couple named Jane and Mabel , because no one wants a gender-biased play about equality , right ? So now , the self-appointed lord of the doo-doo turd people has created a public outcry , demanding censorship of said production , up to and including costing the company behind it $5,000.00 in funding , and numerous other struggles. I am willing to bet , if it were a " homosexualization" of the Quran, or the Baghavad - Gita , he would be on the front row laughing his ass off if only he were educated enough about anyone elses religion to understand the context , or get the punchlines. There is a word for people who believe that their religion is the ONE TRUE AND ONLY FAITH, they are called extremists . There is another word for them as well, Ignorant .
Tomorrow night , there will be the benefit concert to end all benefit concerts to help mount this production , because their Artistic director is Wonder Woman, and she has lady-balls of steel , and she has said TO HELL WITH THE DOO-DOO TURD PEOPLE!!!!! I am saying to hell wioth them as well , and I urge everyone who is against censorship , who is against bigotry , and ignorance , or who just wants to go and have one hell of a good time , to get your asses down to the civic center tomorrow night at 9pm CST , drop your $20 in the hat and scream at the top of your lungs , " FUCK THE DOO-DOO TURD PEOPLE! "

Tell Em' Quiser sent ya !